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Topic: Heard any good jokes lately?
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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A French lady shall appear soon to call you nasty names 
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I was thinking just the same thing. Minus the " ".
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Two men are talking about what they would do if the end of the world was to happen in the 5 next minutes.
First man : "No doubt I would have sex with everything that moves !"
Second man : "Oh....in that case, I do think I would not move !"
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The rich old lady wanted to know which of her 3 sons-in-law really loved her. One Sunday she invited the first to fish in a big lake nearby. They took a boat and when they were far from the shore she jumped into the water. The guy jumped right after and saved her from drowning. Next morning when he woke up he had a brand new car at the front door with a note "with regards from your dear mother-in-law"
Next week she did the same thing with the second, and the guy followed suit the first. The next day he had also a brand new car at the door with a note "Just a way to say thanks, from your dear mother-in-law"
Finally came the day when she tried the third son-in-law with the same test, and when she jumped into the water the guy thought "what a nice chance to get rid of this load" and didn't save her but instead threw the boat's anchor on her head!
The day after the her burial, when he woke up, he had a brand new shinny red Ferrari at his door, the keys in the ingnition and a gorgeuous blond in the passenger's seat. Funny enough she also handled him a note: "With the esteem of your Father-in-law..." 
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Two businessmen at the restaurant.
Suddenly, the first one whispers to the other : "do not look at him too openly, but I think the man at the table behind you is Ludwig Van Beethoven...".
The second man answers : "...but, as far as I know, Ludwig Van Beethoven is dead !".
First man : "Oh ! are you sure ?"
And they go on with their meal, when suddenly, the first man says : "No, no ! he is not dead ! Look, he just moved !"
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